I'm 4 months into this surprise pregnancy now and as many do by this point, have been contemplating names. Baby names' meanings are very important and I want to have a story behind this one, especially. As I'm desperately hoping for a girl... of course there's a tendency to pick out girl names. Only girl names. I guess my philosophy is that God will have a tougher fight with me if I've already picked out names...? I don't know where my rationalizations come from sometimes.
When pregnant with my other children, I've fought for using the name Ayrdrie (pronounced air-dree), thanks to one of my BFF's from HS, as it is so different and pretty. When my husband at the time didn't think so....I didn't win & so it's only been in my baby name bank for the last 15 years. Although it seems that I have my chance to use it...it just so happens that my brother named his daughter Audrey a little over a year ago and as it looks as though they will have the same last name...I suppose it probably won't be a phonetically good idea when grandpa has to yell at the girls to get out of something. So, next!
I've also always loved the name Kennedy and had been sold on the name until I put the initials together. Faith as a middle name seems so appropriate as it's taking all the faith I can conjure up to understand this whole thing, yet would create KFC for her initials. Overall and generally unacceptable. Shoot! I tried to fight through the initials & continued on to look up the meaning for the name Kennedy...not.good. Kennedy is out.
This month my small group started a study in the book of Ruth. The story of Ruth displays a peculiar story of love and devotion. Ruth and Orpah are Moabitess women who are widowed by their husbands and are left with no man in their life to move forward with. Likewise their mother-in-law, Naomi has lost her husband and now both of her sons and has no man to provide her. She is old and not likely to remarry. Despite Naomi's pleading with the girls to stay in Moab and cling back to their families in hopes of remarriage, Ruth stays uncannily loyal to Naomi and vows to never leave her side until the Lord provides for them. Together they go back to Bethlehem, without men or a great plan. Simply in hopes that the Lord will provide.
I want to take a minute and compare this situation to mine, and maybe the similarity is already obvious, yet obviously it is not completely the same...but the moral might be. As I read, I'm starting to fall in love with Ruth's character and more in love with the possible story behind the name Naomi. By having this child I have knowingly set myself up for doing this alone. In essence, I've pushed away the man I was in a relationship with as he does not want us to keep it and has become very angry at me, and unwilling to participate at all. I have allowed him to play only the part he desires. I've also pushed away much of my future opportunity for my career and remarriage. I have 3 children from my previous marriage, who are half grown and am now starting over. I am not able to move forward over this next year within my career and education as I had planned either...it must all wait and depend on the Lord. Like Ruth and Naomi, we have no men to take care of us. My baby's father is walking away from us and choosing not to provide emotionally, physically or financially. I don't feel as though I need a man, in particular but the similarity between our stories remain...we only have God to rely on. Similar to Naomi, my baby will be too young and has no ability to provide for "her"self outside of me. I refuse to give my child up for adoption as I feel that would not be God's plan. There are really no positives in that choice for my particular situation. Like Ruth, I am choosing to be everything that my baby needs me to be. I will sacrifice the plans I had for my future, we will do this together and allow God to work in this situation.
Back to the story of Ruth & Naomi... when arriving in Bethlehem it happens to be the time of harvest and Ruth immediately goes out to find favor with the people to which she does not naturally belong. She works hard gleaning (which is not the most proud ways of obtaining provision) and yet earns favor with the landowner Boaz. The favor she earns is not average, either. She earns an amazing amount of favor with him as he knows her situation and he has a tenacity to ensure that God blesses her. He insists that she make herself at home, as he sees that she has committed to becoming one of them by returning with Naomi, including being devoted to their God. Through Boaz, God provides abundantly for both Ruth & Naomi. He uses Ruth to provide lineage to Jesus Christ. Her loyalty, honesty, commitment and self-sacrifice pay off in her decision. Through Ruth's story, God shows His unique ability to weave situations perfectly together so that you can only look at them and admit that only God could have done that.
I've certainly been experiencing those "not proud" moments of learning to accept help, be happy in my situation and accept that I can fore go my plans in replacement of His. I have felt that "I don't belong here....I belong in grad school with half-grown children and well on my way to my dream life", which 4 months ago seemed right at hand. The way that this pregnancy came about is honestly only a situation that God could have put together. I pray that I can be used in even a remotely similar way as Ruth. The Bible teaches throughout that loyalty does breed blessing and invokes God's desire to use us in his modern day stories. By the time that Naomi and Ruth reached Bethlehem, the town had already heard their story. They already knew God was working. I hope that God will use our story as well to show mercy, blessing and hope to others.
We will depend on God to provide & find new ways to provide through opportunities He may choose to give me.
I will soon find out if God is blessing my life with a boy or a Naomi. I suppose at that time I may have to find that male version of the name that means "Beautiful, Pleasant or Delighful" in Hebrew, or even more appropriate is the Japanese version which means "Beautiful Honesty". I hope I can find just as enticing a story as Ruth & Naomi's.
